


And when the road stops, I'm gonna keep on

by voices_in_my_head



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: AU after S2, Ignores S3, love is love campaign
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 18:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13196331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voices_in_my_head/pseuds/voices_in_my_head
Summary: "“I hate myself for doing this but you have to choose. Either go public with me or I walk out.”"AU of S3. Jude and Zero keep their dating a secret until it's no longer viable.





	And when the road stops, I'm gonna keep on

It all came to a head on Thursday. Zero felt it should have happened on a more special day, Monday morning or Friday night, one of those days where you just expect something to happen. Not a regular Thursday.

Alas, it was around 6pm on a Thursday. Autumn was slowly arriving and Zero had just gotten home after practice. Jude wasn’t there yet; Lionel had been putting more and more responsibilities on his shoulders as of late. Privately, Zero thought she was planning on going back to her acting career for a while and wanted Jude to substitute her. Of course, Jude had just rolled his eyes when Zero had said that and that had been it.

So, Zero had a shower and started making Bolognese. He wasn’t a very good cook but he wasn’t as bad as Jude and Bolognese wasn’t that difficult once you got the basics down, anyway.

Zero lost himself in the cooking for almost an hour and had just drained the water out of the spaghetti when he heard Jude turn the key to the front door.

Zero smiled as he put the spaghetti in a bowl and started putting the Bolognese on top.

“Hey, how was your day?” He called out.

Jude didn’t reply before he was standing by the doorway. He crossed his arms and Zero could tell not everything was okay, but he just continued to set the table. More responsibilities meant more stress. Zero had mostly learnt to deal with how stressed Jude could become sometimes just like Jude had learnt to deal with how laidback Zero could be in some things.

“The new bartender in the Playground asked me for your number.”

Now that did make Zero tense because this had happened before and by this point there was almost a script they followed.

He finally turned from where he had just put two glasses on the table. He forced himself not to cross his arms as he looked at Jude.

They just stared at each other for some seconds in silence because Zero could tell this was going to be one of those arguments that wouldn’t go away after he made some witty comment, kissed Jude and maybe threw some innuendo his way just for the fun of it.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Jude said and now Zero’s stomach plummeted. That wasn’t the first time he’d heard that either but it didn’t make it any easier over time, especially when there was no guarantee that this time they couldn’t work it out. Sometimes in a day, sometimes in a week and in one particular awful occasion, after three months.

“Jude, come on,” Zero said and finally moved, walking towards Jude, who took a step back and Zero couldn’t help the hurt look that came over his face.

“Look, I get it, okay. There is no major player out as gay or bi or whatever in any big team sport. I know that you could lose a lot by coming out, but… I can’t do this anymore. Pretend like we’re just good friends, hear everyone making jokes about how you’re some wild guy who can’t keep a relationship for longer than two weeks…”

“Jude,” Zero tried to interrupt, but his voice could barely be heard in the kitchen. It wasn’t that Jude was being particularly loud; he almost never was; Zero was just being quiet because he could tell this was one of those bad times, that would take time and patience to solve and he would give it all for Jude, he just wasn’t sure it was enough.

Jude put a hand up, once again making it clear that he wanted Zero out of his personal space.

“I hate myself for doing this but you have to choose. Either go public with me or I walk out.”

Zero stared at Jude. He didn’t say anything and Jude walked out of the kitchen. He did quietly and Zero heard him slowly close the bedroom door once he was inside.

Zero walked to a chair by the kitchen table and just dropped in it. His breathing was loud and his heart was beating fast and it wasn’t like he hadn’t thought of “coming out”. God, how he hated that expression. He wasn’t inside anything, except society’s fucking expectations of how he should act and be.

Zero had promised Jude that one day he would come clean about his sexuality. That had been almost two years ago and Zero honestly meant it. He wanted to hold Jude’s hand when they went for dinner, and not at some shabby place that bros went together, but a nice, expensive place with candles light around them and people would stare not because they were too men, but because they would be jealous of Zero, of how he managed to hold onto that amazing man.

Except right now he wasn’t holding on to anything. Things had been going downhill for a while and Zero had just decided to put his head in the ground and pretend it was all fine.

Because otherwise it was. Oscar had been convicted and wouldn’t leave prison in this lifetime, Lionel was the boss, the team was trying to go for its second ring… Hell, Zero was even getting along better with his team mates. He and Terrence barely uttered two words to each other out of court and Derek ignored his presence more often than not but he’d had gone out for drinks with some of the other guys and it was fun.

Usually, anyway. Not when he had to smile along to their jokes when a good-looking woman went by and sent him a look. They wolf-whistled and Zero just smiled and made an act out of it all but it never went to fruition, of course.

Not that anyone cared. The only pictures of him in magazines the past two years had been completely innocent. But the media didn’t care. They’d write stories about people he’d had one conversation with at some party and then there’d be jokes and it would be forgotten until a couple weeks went by and it all started again.

Zero breathed in and out. Honestly, he was surprised Jude had stayed by his side so long. Lionel knew about them and that was it.

Jude had actually come out as gay not too long after they got together but still no one looked too hard at them. Who would ever think Zero, a notorious playboy, could be in a committed relationship with a man?

Zero got up, grabbed his glass and poured some water in it from a jar Jude kept filled every night.

He took a few sips and then took out his phone. He called Lionel.

It took several rings for Lionel to pick up and Zero’s stomach was still hard as a rock and he didn’t think the Bolognese would be eaten that night but he actually felt pretty calm. This had been a long way in the coming.

“Zero?” Lionel asked and there was that normal tone that she used with pretty much anyone that wasn’t Jude that meant “do not mess with me” but there was also confusion there, probably some worry too because of the couple times Zero had called Lionel it had had something to do with Jude.

“I want to come out,” Zero just threw the words out there.

There was a pause. “I’ll book a conference for tomorrow,” Lionel said and she had her business tone on but Zero knew her well enough by now to know she also sounded happy.

“That’s it?”

“Zero, darling, you don’t really think me and Jude haven’t made plans for this eventuality, do you? The Devils have become quite public in the past two years regarding diversity campaigns.”

Zero barely heard her past the _eventuality_ word because he knew what it meant. He’d heard it over the years regarding a lot of stuff and it just meant _possibility_. Not certainty. Lionel and Jude had discussed this outcome, but they hadn’t been certain it would come to this. Jude hadn’t been certain.

Zero breathed loudly through his nose.

“Zero, you still there?” Lionel asked and once again, there was some concern there and Zero was surprised to realize that it was for him. He guessed that the two of them could probably be called friends. They didn’t really hang out together without Jude but they were on amicable terms with each other.

“Yes, I’m here. So, do you guys have a speech for me too?”

Lionel snorted, “Jude probably has twenty. But we thought you’d probably swing it no matter what we told you to say.”

Zero couldn’t help but smile at that. Jude really did know him.

“Well, if that’s it I have some phone calls to make. I’ll book it for after lunch so you have time to tell the team first.”

“You think that’s necessary?” Zero had never cared what those guys thought about him and he wasn’t about to start now.

“It could make things easier down the road. People say things that most often can’t be taken back when they’re surprised.”

Zero nodded and then realizing Lionel couldn’t have seen it, said “ok.”

“Good. Now go tell the news to Jude and I’ll see you tomorrow. Dress nicely.”

Zero knew he should just reply “goodbye” but he couldn’t help but to ask, “tell Jude?” What made her think they hadn’t come to this decision together?

There was a pause. “Darling… I know the both of you well enough to know what’s going on.”

“You mean Jude texted you,” Zero said, this time in a more resigned tone. Truth be told he was jealous of their relationship. Jude had someone to go to about their relationship while Zero just had himself.

“That too. I’m glad you came to this decision, Zero. I know you’re not doing it for the publicity but… you’re going to do some real good out there.”

There was a personal touch in Lionel’s voice that wasn’t common and Zero remembered her talking about her older brother and how long it had taken him to come to terms with his sexuality.

Yeah, Zero wasn’t doing this to be some kind of symbol but he couldn’t help but to be glad to be of some help to people struggling out there. To tell them it was okay to be whatever they wanted to be, loving whoever they wanted.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” was Zero’s reply and he could hear Lionel’s smile in her voice when she said her own goodbye.

He smiled as he disconnected the call. This felt right. Mostly, anyway. Of course there was a part of him worried about endorsements, about showing something truly real about him to the world that was only concerned about how far they could see him fall, but he was trying to put those thoughts away.

Zero walked towards their bedroom and knocked slightly before opening the door and entering.

Jude had his back to the door and was lying on top of the covers with his knees slightly bent closer to his chest and Zero’s heart hurt to see him that way. It wasn’t Jude’s normal way of sleeping, just a position he took when he wanted to be left alone and sometimes it had to do with Zero, sometimes it had to do with his job and sometimes with something completely unrelated. Either way, Zero hated seeing him that way.

He was just glad that this was one of the times that he could actually make it better.

“Hey,” Zero whispered as he sat at the edge of the bed. He put a hand on one of Jude’s knees.

Jude didn’t reply with words, but he moved his leg slightly closer to Zero, who took it as a good sign.

“I just talked to Lionel,” Zero said and that finally made Jude move. Jude sat up really quick and Zero had to move his body back a bit to not get hit accidentally.

“Why?” Jude asked and Zero could see his brain already moving, trying to come up with a dozen possibilities to why Zero had talked to Lionel and Zero had no doubt they included everything from Zero being fired to Oscar being out of prison.

It was kind of amazing to see Jude’s brain work.

“Hey, it’s nothing bad,” Zero promised and put his hand back on Jude’s knee and squeezed.

Jude didn’t look relaxed in the least and Zero could see him getting dragged more and more into the possibilities of what was going on and Zero knew that soon enough Jude would be so caught up in what he was thinking that it would be hard to make him believe that what he was imagining wasn’t what was actually going to happen.

So Zero just kissed him to make him quiet. Jude took a few seconds but eventually he kissed back, sighing against Zero’s lips and Zero loved how he could feel Jude relaxing against him.

He pulled back before it got more heated. Not that it would, not after the last words Jude had said to him, but still, better take a step back.

“Tomorrow I’m coming out at a press conference,” Zero told him after they had some space between each other. Still touching distance, but enough that Zero wasn’t completely distracted by how beautiful Jude was and be drawn into his eyes and honestly, how had no one figured out that Zero was completely and utterly in love with the man in front of him he had no idea.

“I… What?” Jude blinked several times and usually Zero would have found it funny, how utterly shocked Jude looked but not right now, not when it meant he had never really thought Zero would choose him and God, he was with the man he loved, planning on telling the whole world about it, and it still hurt, simply because Jude had been hurting. Possibly still was.

Zero drew a deep breath and took Jude’s hand in him. “I love you and I want to be with you forever. I don’t care who knows or doesn’t but… if it’s important to you, it’s important to me.”

Jude’s eyes were wet and Zero didn’t even bother to stop himself before he was kissing Jude for all he was worth, like when he was away for days for some away game. Like he wouldn’t survive without him and it scared the hell out of him how often inevitable that felt. That Jude was going to walk out and that he would be left in a million pieces that could never be put back together.

But even if that happened, it wouldn’t be today. Today was a good day and tomorrow was going to be a difficult one but it was worth it. God, how it was worth it.

“I love you,” Jude whispered against his lips and Zero whispered it back to him and they kept saying it as they kissed and undressed each other until Zero honestly didn’t know which voice he was hearing anymore but it didn’t matter, because the sentiment was exactly the same.

.

The first person Zero went to see in the morning was Pete.

He sat with his legs quite apart, to which Coach didn’t even blink at and Zero couldn’t help but to smile at how much this guy had done and how normal he acted. He hadn’t searched him for his stories just for Jelena’s sake, after all.

“Lionel told me you have a press conference this afternoon but she didn’t tell me what about,” Pete said in that tone he used whenever he spoke about his ex-wife and Zero had to admit that he had some morbid curiosity in how exactly those two had spent over a decade together.

He nodded. His heart had been beating faster and louder than usual since the night before, but by this point Zero was almost used to it.

That morning Jude had asked him if he was sure, if he was having second doubts, and Zero had seen how the other man had been ready for Zero to say, “yeah, I want to cancel it, call Lionel” or something like that, so Zero had just kissed him and said “I’m sure” because he never backed out, and truth be told this wasn’t just for Jude, just for them. It was for him. He didn’t like to put himself out in the open, for people who didn’t know the first thing about him to dissected him, but he liked even less the idea that he had something to hide, like him and Jude being in love was some dirty little secret.

So Zero smiled at Pete and said, “I’ve been dating Jude for a couple of years and I’m coming out as bisexual.”

Pete blinked a couple of times. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

Zero’s smile just got bigger because he was kind of looking forward to seeing some very dumb footed faces in his near future. God, he hoped someone got Jelena’s on camera.

Pete leaned back on his chair, “you know this can cost you endorsements. Possibly even contracts with other teams.”

“I know,” Zero said seriously and thought _“he’s worth it”_ but didn’t say it out loud because that was something only he and Jude needed to know.

Pete nodded, “well, it seems like you’ve made up your mind. I don’t know if I agree but… it takes courage, Zero. The team will support you.”

Zero gave him another smile, this time slightly more honest, but there was still a little edge to it, because the idea of needing anyone’s support still made his stomach clench but he couldn’t say he wasn’t the least bit touched by Pete’s words.

“What time’s the press conference?”

“2pm.”

Pete nodded, “practice will start at 10am as usual, but we’ll finish half an hour earlier and you can tell the team. Unless you want me to…?”

Zero shook his head. He wasn’t some kid hiding behind his mom’s skirts. “I’ll do it.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later,” Pete said and Zero nodded, got up and left the office with his normal swagger.

The rest of the morning went by in a rush. Basketball was basketball and some parts of it you didn’t need to pay that much attention, it mostly came down to instinct, but then there were those moments where you had to give 100% of you, even in practice, and by that point Zero completely forgot what was coming.

He remembered when Pete blew his whistle half an hour earlier as promised.

“Gather around me, guys. Zero’s got an announcement.”

Some of the guys sent him curious look. Zero had never had an announcement before. Hell, they hadn’t really had many announcements before.

They stood in the middle of court in a kind of half circle, with Zero at the opposite of it, with Pete by his left. He appreciated the support.

“I have a press conference this afternoon,” Zero started in a normal tone, trying his hardest not to look like part of him was ready to throw up. He couldn’t help to take a deep breath before continuing, though. “I’m bisexual and I’ve been dating Jude for around two years.”

No one spoke. Zero saw his teammates slowly understand the words he’d uttered and yeah, he should have done this earlier, because some of their faces were amazing.

“Wait, who’s Jude?” Floyd asked and Zero almost rolled his eyes because the guy was nice, but he must have smoked a bit too much weed as a teen.

“Our boss,” Terrence answered for him and there some uttering at that.

It stopped when Pete raised his voice, “look, I’ve never cared what you guys do outside of court as long as it isn’t illegal and no one is getting hurt and I’m not starting now. As far as I’m concerned this doesn’t change anything. We clear?”

Everyone nodded. Some more happily than others but no one seemed to really care that much. Maybe if he had done this earlier, when he had just arrived, it would have been a bigger bridge to cross but by this point he had been with the Devils enough time that he was truly a member of the team.

“Does this mean you’ve been checking us out?” Darryl asked and Matthew next to him punched him in the arm.

Zero just rolled his eyes, “I actually have some taste.”

That of course had some of the guys becoming defensive. Zero smiled at them and rolled his eyes again. Good to know straight guys would always have their priorities straight (oh man, he couldn’t wait to unleash on them all the sexual puns he’d been saving for years).

.

The room was packed with journalists and not all of them were from sports magazines. A few could even be considered classy. Go Lionel.

Jude was in the room, standing by the doorway, looking as always, impeccable in his suit. But Zero knew him too well to not see that Jude was close to fainting. He was moving his weight from one foot to the other more often than he usually did and he kept checking either his phone or his watch.

He only relaxed when Lionel approached him, though she didn’t stay too long to chat. They’d decided that she’d sit at the table in the front near Zero, as a show of support.

It was 2pm exactly when Zero lightly hit the microphone in front of him to get everyone’s attentions. Immediately, cameras were on him and the reporters were all staring at him, slightly leaning forward.

Zero liked attention but even for him this was a bit intimidating. He honestly didn’t care if people accepted him or not but he wanted to keep playing basketball for as long as possible, be it in the Devils or some other team, and part of him kept thinking of maybe just changing his speech. Give some other news.

He breathed deeply. That was stupid. The team was aware of it already, Lionel would kick his ass if he didn’t go through with it and Jude… Jude would get his heart broken and Zero just wasn’t willing to be the one doing that.

“Thanks for being here. I’ve called this press conference to make an announcement,” just like earlier in the day, Zero made a small pause. He turned his attention to Jude, who was no longer moving. He barely seemed to be breathing, in fact. But his eyes looked more alive than Zero had seen in a long time. They seemed to be shining.

Shining for Zero.

With another deep breath, Zero continued. “I’m bisexual and I’ve been dating Jude Kincade for two years.”

He saw the shock in Jude’s face; they had agreed to slowly tell the reporters of their relationship but in for a penny, in for a pound. Zero was done hiding. Their next game was in three days and he was planning on kissing Jude for all he was worth after they won.

It took two seconds for the whole room to erupt in noise. Cameras were flashing in his eyes and Zero saw some of the reporters’ attention turn to Jude, who had himself become a public figure in the last two years, at least in the sports’ world.

“Any questions?” Zero asked, making them turn their attention back to him, as well as smirking at them, telling them that this was happening in his own terms and that he wasn’t ashamed of anything.

Of course, everyone raised a hand. Zero pointed to a woman around her forties who had interviewed him several times after games and who was usually nice and kept to the point.

“Why come out now? Why not wait until your playing career is over, like many others have done?”

Zero shrugged, pretending like this had been an easier decision than it was. “I hope to keep playing for several more years and I didn’t want to hide for that long. I’m not ashamed of whom I date.”

The second question came from a man Zero didn’t know. He looked young, which could be a good or bad thing. Good when he didn’t really know what he was doing and went for the easy questions, bad when he desperately wanted to make a name for himself and so went for the hard questions.

Luckily, it turned out to be the first case. “When did you first know you weren’t straight?”

Zero shrugged, and this time it wasn’t an act. “I was thirteen when I kissed a girl the first time and fifteen when I kissed a guy. It really wasn’t that different.”

More noise at that and Lionel tapped his knee under the table with a manicured nail. Two more questions before she made her own speech. Zero knew Jude had helped her write it, but he hadn’t been allowed to read it.

The third question came from a woman in one of the classy magazines, “are you trying to make some type of political statement?”

Zero’s jaw clenched just a bit, enough that the ones who knew him well would notice, but not the reporters. “Loving someone isn’t about politics. It’s about who you are and who the other person is. I’m doing this because I don’t want it to seem like a dirty little secret. It’s got nothing to do with a message but if others feel better because I’m out, then that’s not a bad thing in my book.”

Zero didn’t give the reports too long before choosing the final question, from a man in his late fifties who worked for Sports Network. Hopefully this would be a more basketball-oriented question.

“Are you afraid of what this might mean for your endorsements and even playing chances?”

“No. I’m the same basketball player I was yesterday and I hope everyone will remember that,” Zero said with finality.

The reporters started firing questions again, but Lionel got their attention turned to her by clearing her throat. Even that she made look fancy.

“As Zero said, we appreciate you all coming here. I would just like to say that Zero has the entire support of everyone in the L.A. Devils. You can’t choose whom you love and it’s time that that became accepted everywhere, especially in the sports’ world where not being straight is treated as an undesirable characteristic. It isn’t. It’s not even a characteristic. It’s who people are and I’m proud of Zero for being one of the first to publicly recognize that. He doesn’t want this moment to become a message but I do and that message is quite simple: it’s okay to love who you want. You’re not alone.”

Zero looked surprised at her and then turned to Jude, who smiled shyly at him. Zero’s answering smile was small too, but real.

He really didn’t care about whether he was gay or straight. He sometimes liked guys, sometimes girls, sometimes both, sometimes neither. It wasn’t important; but he’d seen Jude grow into himself the last few years and he knew that for some people that label was important.

“Like Lionel said,” he spoke into the mic, getting the attention back to himself, even though they hadn’t scripted this. He smiled, “you are not alone.”

 


End file.
